D\u00fcnyan\u0131n evim olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na inan\u0131yorum bu aralar. Pek ya\u015famak gelmiyor i\u00e7imden. Ya\u015famak dediysem, \u00f6yle i\u015fte\u2026 Ne zaman balkona \u00e7\u0131ksam ay \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131, \u201c\u00d6lmek i\u00e7in g\u00fczel bir gece,\u201d diye f\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131yor sanki kula\u011f\u0131ma. Hayvan gibi sigara i\u00e7iyorum. Parmaklar\u0131m sarard\u0131, g\u00f6zlerim sarard\u0131; t\u0131rnaklar\u0131m, ruhum sarard\u0131. Hayat\u0131m\u0131 renklendirmek i\u00e7in intihar s\u00fcsl\u00fc hayaller kuruyorum gecelerde.Uyuyam\u0131yorum. Ger\u00e7i \u00e7ok tak\u0131lm\u0131yorum art\u0131k uyku sorunuma, bir \u015fekilde uyanmak zorunday\u0131m \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131mda yan\u0131ma u\u011framadan ge\u00e7ip giden hayallerimi, \u00e7ocukken elimde oyuncak tabancayla babam\u0131n gidi\u015fini seyretti\u011fim gibi izliyorum.Nereye gidersem gideyim, mutlu olaca\u011f\u0131ma inanc\u0131m kalmad\u0131 hi\u00e7. Bak\u0131n bu, iki kez \u00f6lmek demek… Bilmiyorum. Kendi i\u00e7imde bo\u011fuluyor gibi hissediyorum bu aralar ve inan baz\u0131 \u015feyleri i\u00e7ime atmaktan derin bir nefes bile alam\u0131yorum art\u0131k. \u00d6l\u00fcm de\u011fil de ya\u015famak \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcyor sanki beni\u2026 Kurtar\u0131lmay\u0131 beklemiyorum, annemin g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcnde biti\u015fini seyretti\u011fimden beri. Bize ne oldu b\u00f6yle diye sorarsam, az biraz sa\u00e7lar\u0131nla oynay\u0131p derin bir nefes alacaks\u0131n, biliyorum. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yere e\u011fip g\u00f6zlerini k\u0131st\u0131\u011f\u0131nda verdi\u011fin derin nefesinde g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum ben t\u00fckenmi\u015fli\u011fini. K\u0131r\u0131lan kalplerin hesab\u0131n\u0131\u2026 Ya da neyse ya\u2026 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
D\u00fcnyan\u0131n evim olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na inan\u0131yorum bu aralar. Pek ya\u015famak gelmiyor i\u00e7imden. Ya\u015famak dediysem, \u00f6yle i\u015fte\u2026 Ne zaman balkona \u00e7\u0131ksam ay \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131, \u201c\u00d6lmek i\u00e7in g\u00fczel bir gece,\u201d diye [\u2026]<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":0,"template":"","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"product_brand":[],"product_cat":[12291,12711],"product_tag":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-706827","1":"product","2":"type-product","3":"status-publish","5":"product_cat-edebiyat","6":"product_cat-roman-oyku","7":"pa_cilt-ciltsiz","8":"pa_tur-kitap","9":"pa_yayinevi-dokuz-yayinlari","10":"pa_yazar-mustafa-gorguc","12":"first","13":"instock","14":"sale","15":"shipping-taxable","16":"purchasable","17":"product-type-simple"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/roveyayinevi.com.tr\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product\/706827","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/roveyayinevi.com.tr\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/roveyayinevi.com.tr\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/product"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/roveyayinevi.com.tr\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=706827"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"product_brand","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/roveyayinevi.com.tr\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_brand?post=706827"},{"taxonomy":"product_cat","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/roveyayinevi.com.tr\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_cat?post=706827"},{"taxonomy":"product_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/roveyayinevi.com.tr\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/product_tag?post=706827"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}